You'd notice if he was injured.Would you notice if he was struggling?
When a mate is having a hard time, he might not say it directly. A change in how he acts can be a reason to check in - without jumping to conclusions.
Notice when something changes.
You don't have to be certain to ask.Small changes, worth a second look.
This isn't a checklist and you're not diagnosing anyone. You know him. If something feels off, trust that, and ask.
He's gone quiet
Fewer messages, slower replies, dropped out of the group chat.
Plans keep falling through
Cancelling last minute, skipping the things he used to love.
"I'm just tired"
On repeat, for weeks. Tired can mean a lot of things.
Drinking more
Starting earlier, going harder, or drinking alone.
The jokes change
Darker humour, more digs at himself, laughing things off that aren't funny.
Work's taken over
Working all hours, or suddenly not caring at all.
He looks run down
Not sleeping, not eating properly, letting things slide.
Something big just happened
A breakup, redundancy, a loss, a move, becoming a dad. Even good changes can knock someone.
You don't need to fix it.
The fact he told you means you've already done the hardest part: you made it safe to say. Here's what to do next.
Listen first
Let him finish. Don't rush to advice or compare it to your own stuff.
Thank him for telling you
"I'm glad you told me. Do you want to talk about it?" It matters more than you think.
Ask what would help
Some men want a plan. Some just want company. Ask, don't assume.
Keep doing the usual things together
Invite him for a walk, a coffee or whatever you normally do. Not every catch-up has to be a big conversation - sometimes it helps just to feel included.
Keep checking in
Message in a couple of days. Then next week. Let him know you're still there.
Look after yourself too
You can be there for him without being available all the time. Make room for your own needs and talk to someone you trust if it feels like a lot.
You don't have to handle it alone.
If you or a mate are struggling, these services are free and confidential. You can also call them to talk through how to support someone else.
Samaritans
Free, 24 hours a day, every day.
CALM
Campaign Against Living Miserably. Helpline and webchat, 5pm to midnight.
Shout
Free text support, 24 hours a day.
If someone's life is at risk right now, call 999.