Do you actually know your mates?
You may know his football team and his usual order - but do you know what's actually going on?
Pick the moment, not the script - side by side beats face to face. Ask one, then shut up: the real answer almost always arrives after the first silence. Then come back and ask another next week.
Most men think they know their mates
They know what football team they support. They know what they drink. They know how work is going. They know who they're dating and where they're going on holiday.
But ask a different question: Do you know how they're actually doing?
For a lot of men, the answer is no.
Not because they don't care, but because that's simply not how male friendships have traditionally worked. Conversations often stay around what we're doing rather than what we're feeling. We wait for someone to bring something up instead of asking. We assume that if something was really wrong, they'd tell us.
The result is that many men can spend years seeing the same friends without ever having a conversation about what's really going on in their lives.
The good news is that changing this doesn't require becoming a counsellor or having perfect words.
It starts with asking better questions.
Start with one.
You don't need to ask all six. You don't need to ask them all at once.
Next: Show Up.
Asking opens the door. Showing up is what walks through it - specific, in person, repeatable.