You know he had a rough month.But did you check in the month after?
Being a good mate isn't one big gesture. It's remembering what's going on in his life and staying in touch after the first conversation - even when things seem fine.
Keep caring after the conversation.
Let him know you're still there.Most men know how to check in once.
A text after the breakup. A pint after the redundancy. A call after the funeral. When something big happens, we rally.
Then life moves on, and so does everyone else. The messages slow down. Everyone assumes someone else is still checking in, or that he's back to normal.
For a lot of men, the hardest part comes weeks or months later, when the calls stop and they're left carrying it alone.
Being there at the start matters. Staying in touch afterwards helps him know he can still turn to you.
What to send, and when.
If you're likely to forget, set a reminder. A short message is enough. Use these as a starting point and put them in your own words.
"Been thinking about what you said the other night. How are you doing today?"
"How's your week going? Fancy a catch-up?"
"How have things been since we last spoke? Always happy to listen."
"Thinking of you today. Fancy some company later?"
"Good luck with the interview tomorrow. Let me know how it goes."
"Fancy meeting up this Saturday? No worries if you're not up for it."
Small habits, kept.
Follow up
If he tells you he's struggling, don't let that be the last conversation. Message again in a week or two.
Remember what matters
Interviews, operations, anniversaries, the date his dad died. Remember them, and ask how they went.
Keep inviting him
People who are struggling often withdraw. Keep asking anyway. One "no" doesn't mean he doesn't want to see you.
Care when nothing's wrong
Send him something you know he'd like, a daft joke, a "how's work?". It reminds him he's thought about on ordinary weeks too.
"We started a Sunday phone call. It's the best hour of my week."
Tope & Jay Sunday call, since 2024
Illustrative story
Ask. Show up. Care.
You don't have to handle it alone.
If you or a mate are struggling, these services are free and confidential. You can also call them to talk through how to support someone else.
Samaritans
Free, 24 hours a day, every day.
CALM
Campaign Against Living Miserably. Helpline and webchat, 5pm to midnight.
Shout
Free text support, 24 hours a day.
If someone's life is at risk right now, call 999.