You know his usual drink.But do you know what he's bottling up?
RealMates is a movement to strengthen male friendship. Ask what matters, make time for each other, stay involved - so every mate has someone he can really talk to.
Are you a real mate?
Real mates ask. Show up. Care.You can talk every day and still miss what's really going on. Asking about the things that matter gives your mate room to be honest - and shows he doesn't have to put on a brave face with you.
Why asking mattersBeing mates is more than saying you'll catch up. Making time for each other turns good intentions into a friendship you can count on. Your presence says what a group chat can't: you matter to me.
Ways to show upIt's the small things, over time, that make someone feel cared for. Remembering what matters and staying in touch builds trust - so your mate knows you're there in the good weeks as well as the hard ones.
Why care mattersHow well do you know him, really?
Knowing a mate's tastes and routines isn't the same as knowing how he's doing. Closer friendships mean understanding what matters to him, what he's facing and whether he feels supported.
Find out what kind of mate you are.
Stuff you can use this week.
Stronger friendships don't depend on having all the answers. A little more openness, time and attention can make a real difference to how connected you both feel.
Get past "I'm fine"
Honest conversations help mates feel understood, rather than leaving them to carry things alone.
How to ask →
Make the plan
Time together keeps friendships close and gives you both a stronger sense of belonging.
Start a plan →
The follow-up
Ongoing support builds trust and shows that your friendship matters beyond one conversation.
Learn the follow-up →
Spot the signs
Recognising when a mate seems different can help you understand when he needs more support.
Know what to look for →Friendship makes a difference.
of men would turn to a friend for emotional support, compared with 54% of women.
Source: Pew Research Center, 2025of British men say they don't have a best friend, compared with 26% of women.
Source: YouGov, 2021greater likelihood of survival for people with strong social relationships.
Source: Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010
"He didn't ask if I was okay. He just kept turning up with two coffees until I started talking."
Marcus, 34 on the mate who wouldn't let him drift
Need more mates? That's normal.
Connect in person.
People move, friends couple up and old groups scatter. Making mates as an adult is hard, and nobody talks about it. The Great Friendship Project creates relaxed, in-person ways for people in their 20s and 30s to meet and build real friendships. Come on your own. Most people do.
